Doing the Turkey Day Shuffle? How to Handle Travel Plans and Parenting Time

Custody agreements don’t have to steal the joy from your holiday. Here’s how to plan ahead and keep Thanksgiving focused on family.

For many families, Thanksgiving means a full table, laughter that carries late into the night, and traditions that make the holiday feel complete. But for co-parents, the holiday season can also bring a unique layer of stress.

Months ahead, you’re thinking: Whose turn is it to spend time with the kids this year? How do you manage long-distance travel? And how do you balance your child’s excitement to see both sides of the family with the realities of a custody agreement?

The good news: with some advance planning and clear communication, you can take the stress out of the holiday shuffle. In this blog, we share practical strategies to help co-parents keep the peace, respect custody orders, and still create a Thanksgiving filled with joy and connection.

What Your NJ Custody Agreement Says About Holidays

Under New Jersey divorce laws, your family follows three distinct schedules throughout the year: school, holiday, and summer. Custody arrangements change between these schedules because your child’s daily routine shifts during holidays and summer break. The school cycle, also known as the residential cycle, typically spans from the start of the school year to summer break and follows a consistent week-to-week pattern.

The holiday schedule takes precedence over your regular residential schedule during specified holidays throughout the year. This arrangement enables both parents to share special moments with their children, even when it means deviating from the standard custody arrangement. Holiday schedules are often the most uniquely tailored to each family’s religious and cultural needs, making them highly personalized compared to standard custody arrangements.

How the Courts View Holiday Parenting Time

New Jersey courts commonly handle Thanksgiving through several approaches. Many agreements use alternating years, where one parent has the children for Thanksgiving in odd-numbered years, while the other parent has them in even-numbered years. 

Some families prefer splitting the holiday, with one parent getting Thanksgiving Day and the other receiving Black Friday or another part of the long weekend. Fixed schedules may assign Thanksgiving to the same parent every year when it aligns with strong family traditions or practical considerations

Your specific custody order serves as the legally binding rulebook for holiday arrangements. Before making any plans, review this document carefully to understand exactly what your agreement requires. The language in your order will determine whether you need permission to travel, how much notice you must provide, and what happens if conflicts arise.

Planning to Travel Out of State? Here’s What to Know

Before booking flights or planning that road trip to see extended family, your custody agreement will specify the rules for out-of-state travel. Some orders require written consent from the other parent before crossing state lines with your children, while others may allow travel with advance notification only. 

These requirements aren’t suggestions. They’re legal mandates that must be followed to avoid violations of your custody order. When planning out-of-state travel, you’ll need to share specific information with your co-parent well in advance. This includes a detailed itinerary with travel dates and the complete destination address where you’ll be staying. 

Transportation details matter too, whether you’re providing flight numbers for air travel or your planned driving route for road trips. Don’t forget to include lodging information and contact numbers where you and your children can be reached throughout the trip.

Get Everything in Writing

The importance of getting any required consent in writing cannot be overstated. Email exchanges, text messages, or formal consent forms create a paper trail that protects you in the event of disputes later. 

Even if your co-parent verbally agrees to your travel plans, document this agreement in writing. A simple email confirming the details and receiving a written response can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise escalate into legal issues.

Some custody agreements include specific notice requirements, stipulating that you must inform the other parent a certain number of days or weeks before any travel plans. Others may require court approval for extended trips or international travel. Understanding these terms before you start planning prevents last-minute cancellations and ensures a more enjoyable experience for children.

When Family Expectations Clash With Your Custody Order

Extended family members often struggle to understand why custody agreements take precedence over family gatherings. Grandparents who have hosted Thanksgiving for decades may feel hurt when their grandchildren are unable to attend due to custody schedules. Aunts, uncles, and cousins may not understand why legal documents take precedence over family traditions and emotional connections.

Managing these family dynamics requires clear communication and firm boundaries. Explain the terms of your New Jersey custody agreement to your relatives well in advance, helping them understand the limitations you face. 

Many family members assume custody arrangements are flexible suggestions rather than legally binding requirements. Taking the time to educate them about the legal framework prevents hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations when holiday plans must be changed.

Don’t Hesitate to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries becomes necessary when family pressure conflicts with your legal obligations. Firmly but politely state that you must follow the legal agreement because it protects your child’s best interests and your parental rights. While this conversation may feel uncomfortable, it’s better to address the issue early than to create false hopes or risk legal consequences by ignoring your custody order.

Consider suggesting alternatives that allow family connection without violating your agreement. A video call during the Thanksgiving meal lets your children participate in family traditions even when they can’t be physically present. 

Planning a separate family visit at a different time may work better with your custody schedule while still honoring important relationships. Sometimes shifting the celebration by a few days or weeks accommodates everyone’s needs more effectively than trying to force compliance with an incompatible schedule.

Remember that your child’s well-being and stability must take precedence over extended family demands. While maintaining these relationships matters, protecting your legal standing and your child’s security takes precedence. Family members who genuinely care about your children will eventually understand and respect the boundaries that protect their best interests.

Practical Tips for a Peaceful Thanksgiving

Early and frequent communication can prevent most holiday custody disputes before they begin. Start discussing Thanksgiving plans weeks or even months in advance, rather than waiting until November to address travel arrangements. This generous time for planning gives both parents time to consider options, make necessary arrangements, and resolve any conflicts that arise without creating stress for the children.

Flexibility can transform potentially contentious situations into opportunities for cooperation. If one parent has a special, one-time family event, such as a grandparent’s milestone birthday or a family reunion, consider whether a temporary holiday swap could work for everyone. Trading Thanksgiving for Christmas this year, or exchanging another holiday, may accommodate special circumstances while maintaining fairness over time.

Document any one-off agreements or changes to your regular schedule in writing to prevent future misunderstandings. Even informal arrangements benefit from written confirmation, whether through email, text messages, or more formal agreements. This documentation protects both parents and provides clarity if questions arise about what was actually agreed upon.

Keep your children out of any disagreements or negotiations about holiday plans. The goal is to create happy memories for them, not involving them in adult conflicts about schedules and logistics. Children shouldn’t feel responsible for choosing between parents or feel guilty about custody arrangements they didn’t create and can’t control.

Contact the Experienced Family Law Attorneys at Smedley Law Group, P.C. in Woodbury, NJ 

If you’re facing divorce, you’ll also most likely be dealing with another matter like child custody, child support, or division of assets, so you’ll need to speak with a qualified attorney. The New Jersey family law attorneys at Smedley Law Group, P.C. represent clients throughout the state, including Gloucester Township, Cherry Hill Township, Camden, Washington Township, Mount Laurel Township, Deptford, Evesham, Pennsauken, West Deptford, and Voorhees. 

We understand how challenging this time can be for you, so we’ll fight hard to protect your interests and those of your loved ones throughout the legal process. Call us at (856) 251-0800 or fill out our confidential contact form to schedule a consultation. Our office is conveniently located at 750 Cooper Street, Woodbury, NJ 08096.

The articles on this blog are for informative purposes only and are no substitute for legal advice or an attorney-client relationship. If you’re seeking legal advice, please contact our law firm directly.