The Surprising Struggles of Gray Divorce: What Couples Over 50 Need to Know

Facing divorce over 50? You’re not alone. Uncover the surprising challenges of gray divorce and learn how to handle them confidently.

Divorce is never easy, but for couples over 50, it comes with a unique set of challenges. Known as “gray divorce,” this refers to the rising trend of separations among older adults. Surprisingly, the divorce rate for individuals over 50 has skyrocketed from a mere 8.7% in 1990 to a staggering 36% in 2019. Even more striking is that people over 65 are the only age group where divorce rates continue to rise.

Why is this happening, and what makes gray divorce so different? We’ll shed light on older couples’ hurdles when they decide to part ways. From financial concerns to emotional well-being, we’ll provide insights and advice to help you or a loved one navigate this complex life transition.

Understanding Gray Divorce

Gray divorce refers to the dissolution of marriage among couples aged 50 and older. According to the Pew Research Center, the divorce rate for adults 50 and older has doubled since the 1990s. 

Many factors contribute to this trend. While issues of infidelity and growing apart aren’t unique to the cause of the dissolution of marriage at any age, after 50, some problems evolve and are exclusive to a gray divorce. 

Factors Leading to Gray Divorce:

• Empty Nest Syndrome 
• Shifting priorities and interests 
• Financial problems 
• Reduced stigma surrounding divorce 
• Personal fulfillment 
• Financial independence 
• Health changes 
• Retirement 

Unique Challenges Faced by Couples Over 50 

Division of Assets

One of the most significant challenges in gray divorce is fairly dividing assets accumulated over decades. Couples frequently possess various assets, including retirement accounts, pension plans, real estate, and investments. 

Given the potential for financial instability as retirement approaches, both partners must understand the implications of pension divisions and social security benefits, which can be particularly complex during divorce.

Healthcare Costs

As individuals age, healthcare needs can grow more pressing, making adequate coverage a must. Couples often share healthcare plans that could become expensive post-divorce. Health issues can also lead to higher medical costs, making it important to carefully consider healthcare options during divorce negotiations.

Healthcare Cost Factors to Consider:

• Health insurance loss: One spouse may lose health insurance coverage, mainly if their partner’s employer-sponsored plan covers them. 
• Medicare: If you’re retired but not yet eligible for Medicare, you’ll need to find other healthcare coverage. 
• Long-term care: You may need to plan for long-term care costs, which can be less expensive when you first purchase policies.
• Private insurance: You may need to consider private insurance or health savings accounts. 
• Social Security: Taking Social Security early can permanently reduce lifetime benefits. 
• Financial planning: Meet with a financial professional to develop a budget and manage any debt. 

Housing Considerations

The family home is full of memories and can be tough to let go of. Deciding whether to keep or sell it takes some serious thought, especially when you factor in the emotional ties and financial impact. On top of that, legal fees and other divorce costs can add up fast, making the decision even more complicated.

Family Dynamics

Gray divorce can really shake up family dynamics, especially when it comes to relationships with adult children, grandchildren, and blending families from past marriages. Keeping communication open and being sensitive to everyone’s feelings is key to maintaining those important connections. Alimony discussions can get tricky too, with different expectations around financial support after the divorce. Talking things through openly can help ease the tension and make sure everyone feels understood.

Estate Planning

Divorce doesn’t just affect the here and now — it also has a big impact on long-term plans. Updating things like wills, trusts, and other legal documents is essential to reflect your new marital status. Plus, divorce can change your tax situation, so it’s something you’ll definitely want to keep in mind during negotiations.

Tax Planning

Impact of Tax Liability – Filing Status Changes

One of the most immediate changes post-divorce is your tax filing status. If you’re divorced or legally separated by the end of the tax year, the IRS considers you single or head of household if you meet specific criteria. This change can affect your tax rate, standard deduction, and eligibility for certain tax credits.

Estate Tax Planning

Divorce can significantly impact estate tax planning. Assets that were once jointly owned must now be divided, potentially leading to increased estate tax liabilities. Revisiting your estate plan and updating beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, life insurance policies, and wills is crucial.

Tax Considerations for Division of Property

Equitable Distribution

Property division in a divorce typically follows equitable distribution, where community assets and debts are divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Property transfers between spouses during a divorce aren’t generally subject to immediate taxation. 

However, selling assets like real estate can trigger capital gains taxes. Long-term capital gains are taxed from 0% to 20%, with an additional 3.8% net investment income tax for higher earners.

Taxes on Retirement Accounts

Splitting Retirement Funds

Retirement accounts are often significant assets in a divorce. Contributions made during the marriage are considered community property and must be divided. 

However, contributions made before the marriage are individual property and aren’t subject to division. This means the split is rarely 50/50. Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDROs) are used to divide retirement accounts without triggering immediate taxes or penalties.

Homeownership and Taxes

Ownership Changes

Post-divorce, homeownership status can change significantly. If you sell your home, the proceeds may be subject to capital gains tax, but exclusions are available. A married couple can exclude up to $500,000 from the gain if they’ve owned and lived in the home for two of the last five years. 

Individuals can exclude up to $250,000 on their tax returns if divorced. Updating the deed and mortgage agreements is essentialif one party retains the home.

Social Isolation

A long-time partner is necessary to fill a void that can be difficult to fill. The daily routines shared experiences, and mutual support that once formed the bedrock of your life are suddenly gone. This loss can lead to feelings of isolation and emotional distress.

Shifts in Social Circles

Divorce often results in significant life changes that extend beyond the immediate family. Friends you once shared with your spouse may feel compelled to choose sides, fragmenting your social circle. Additionally, your social life may have predominantly centered around couples’ activities. In that case, stepping out alone can feel daunting and isolating.

Loneliness Among Older Adults

Loneliness is a common issue among older adults, and gray divorce can exacerbate this condition. The emotional weight of loneliness can lead to mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety, further complicating the already complex landscape of a gray divorce.

How to Rebuild a Social Network

Although rebuilding your social network may seem overwhelming, it’s a crucial step for your overall well-being in this new stage of life. Here are strategies to combat loneliness and reestablish connections.

1. Maintain Existing Relationships

Reconnect With Friends and Family: Reach out to friends and family members you may have lost touch with, since they can offer emotional support and companionship.

Stay Engaged: Attend family gatherings, reconnect with old friends, and communicate regularly with loved ones.

2. Participate in Community Activities

Join Clubs and Groups: Look for local clubs, book groups, or hobby classes that interest you. These activities provide opportunities to meet new people who share similar interests.

Attend Local Events: Participate in community events like fairs, concerts, and local theater. These gatherings can be great ways to meet new people and become more socially engaged.

Volunteer: Volunteering is a meaningful way to give back to the community while meeting like-minded individuals. Local charities and nonprofits often need volunteers and offer a sense of purpose and connection.

3. Explore Religious and Spiritual Gatherings

Attend Services: If you belong to a religious community, attending services can help you stay connected and find support.

Join Study Groups: Many religious organizations offer study groups or social gatherings, which can be excellent settings to form new friendships.

4. Use In-Home Caregivers

Companionship: In-home caregivers can provide companionship and support, especially if you face mobility challenges or lack transportation.

Organize Gatherings: Caregivers can help arrange social activities and ensure you stay connected with others.

5. Seek Professional Support

Counseling or therapy can help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies. Support groups for divorced individuals can also provide a sense of community and understanding.

Navigating the Challenges of a Gray Divorce With Expert Help

Getting expert help is crucial when facing these challenges. A good family law attorney can guide you through things like dividing assets, discussing alimony, and updating your estate plans. Financial advisors can also be a big help in managing your money and setting you up for a stable future after the divorce.

Don’t overlook the emotional side of things either. Talking to a therapist or counselor can make a big difference in helping you process everything and adjust to your new life. Connecting with support groups or community organizations can also help you rebuild your social network and feel less alone.

Contact the Experienced Family Law Attorneys at Smedley Law Group, P.C. in Woodbury, NJ Today

If you’re over 50 and considering divorce, there are unique issues to navigate, such as dividing retirement accounts, alimony, and healthcare considerations. It’s important to consult with an experienced attorney. The New Jersey family law attorneys at Smedley Law Group, P.C. represent clients across the state, including West Deptford, Woodbury Heights, Runnemede, and Westville.

We understand how challenging this time can be for you, which is why we will fight hard to protect your interests and those of your loved ones throughout the legal process. Call us at (856) 251-0800 or fill out our confidential contact form to schedule a consultation. Our office is conveniently located at 750 Cooper Street, Woodbury, NJ 08096.

The articles on this blog are for informative purposes only and are no substitute for legal advice or an attorney-client relationship. If you are seeking legal advice, please contact our law firm directly.