6 min read
8 Ways to Transition from Being Married to Single—in the Smoothest Way Possible
Do you find yourself suddenly single, and unsure of how to navigate the waters of being single and on your own? Being single again can be a scary thing, especially during the holiday season. You may feel lonely, depressed, or scared that you’ll never find someone to spend the rest of your life with again.
When you’re ready to move on from your marriage, one of the most important things to do is transition with ease into single life. This can be difficult for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. We always like to tell our clients that you can change your status quo and build the life of your dreams. That life transformation starts with envisioning your new future and believing that you can have it.
Here are eight steps you can take to transition from being married to single in the smoothest way possible.
1. Understand There Are Many Others Who’ve Divorced and Are Transitioning to Single Life, Too.
First, let’s get rid of the stigma of being divorced. It’s totally normal to not be married. In fact, the United States currently has the sixth highest divorce rate in the world at 50%.
For those who’ve been married before, the rate is even higher: 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Also, people are deciding to stay single for longer, which means there are more single people in America than ever before. In fact, if current trends continue, eventually 25% of Americans in their 50s will have been single their entire lives.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Mourn Your Marriage.
Many people, when it comes to moving on after divorce, don’t know how to properly mourn the end of their relationship. Having a marriage end in divorce can be a traumatic experience.
But you don’t want to deny your feelings and “put on a happy face.” Ignoring your sadness and depression will only make it worse. While you may seem fine at first, it can actually come back when you least expect it. Something as simple as hearing your ex’s name in a different context can trigger sadness.
For those who don’t know how to move on, it can be as simple as learning how to cry and let your emotions out. For others, it may require professional help and therapy. Whatever path you take, it’s important to not skip this step in the process of dealing with your loss.
3. Keep Your Children Out of the Drama.
It can be hard, especially at first, to be able to put a brave face in front of your children. Before you get your children for your custodial time, plan ahead what you will do. This will be difficult at first as it will be something you never had to do before. You also won’t be in a mood to be active and act happy in front of your children.
Children know what’s going on and we aren’t suggesting you keep from showing any emotions. Instead, choose activities and create a schedule that will allow you to give the best you have to your children while you have them. Acknowledging you’re having difficulty with the transition and especially not getting to see the kids all the time can be healthy for children to see. Just be certain you aren’t scaring the children or causing them to worry about you when they aren’t there.
4. Make Time to Focus On Yourself.
Likely, when you were married, you thought of yourself as part of a couple and made decisions based at least in part on what your partner would like. It’s now time to focus on you.
- Ask for Help: It’s important to seek out professional help if you’re having trouble dealing with being single. A therapist or a divorce support group can help you share your emotions in a safe environment and get advice from those going through the same problems. It’s also important to find a close friend that you can vent to who will help you handle your feelings safely and constructively.
- Forgive Yourself: Don’t think of yourself as a failure because you got divorced. Instead of blaming yourself for what has happened, move on and forgive yourself for your role in the end of the relationship. This will help you get closure.
- Love Yourself So You Can Love Someone Else: Trite as that might sound, it’s very true. Be as good to yourself as you would your best friend going through a big change in their life. Take good care of your health and focus on the positive aspects of your life. Exercise is a proven way to balance hormones and lift spirits.
5. Hang With Old Friends, and Make New Ones.
Prepare yourself to have friends pick sides. It’s extremely unfortunate but true of every couple who breaks up. Focus on the friends who choose you and lean on their support during your transition.
You also need to make new friends. Actively look to make friends at places you enjoy. While at the gym or at the bookstore, make eye contact and smile. Remember, this is for friendship and not a dating relationship. You will need time to be ready to “get back out there.”
Creating new healthy friendships where you can engage in hobbies and interests will help you get back to your true self. The added bonus is it will make you far more interesting once you do decide to date again!
6. This Is Your Chance! Make Your Time Worthwhile
As you transition into single life, the future may look a bit blurry. That’s an opportunity! The future is yours.
If you haven’t already, create a bucket list and begin tackling it. New hobbies and habits you wanted to start but couldn’t before are possibilities: nothing is stopping you now.
7. It’s Important to Remember That Not Every Thought You Have Is True.
A lot of us have that “inner voice” that expresses doubt and is critical of our choices. But please remember that this “voice” is not an authority figure and not everything it says is the truth. If your interior monologue is made up of lots of negativity, move past this by shutting the thoughts down and actively focusing on more positive ideas.
8. Transitioning to Being Single Again Is a Process.
Moving on from a divorce can be a stressful experience. What’s more, it’s not a quick process. Allow yourself time to grieve over the end of your marriage and transition into a healthier place as you find your way into the single world again.
Contact the Compassionate Family Law Attorneys at Smedley Law Group in Cherry Hill, NJ Today
If you’re thinking about filing for divorce, you’ll also most likely be dealing with another matter like child custody, child support, or division of assets, so you’ll need to speak with a qualified attorney. The New Jersey family law attorneys at Smedley Law Group represent clients throughout the state, including West Deptford, Woodbury Heights, Williamstown, and Westville. We understand how challenging this time can be for you, which is why we will fight hard to protect your interests, and the interests of your loved ones, throughout the legal process. Call us at (856) 251-0800 or fill out our confidential contact form to schedule a consultation. We have an office conveniently located at 750 Cooper Street, Woodbury, NJ 08096.
The articles on this blog are for informative purposes only and are no substitute for legal advice or an attorney-client relationship. If you are seeking legal advice, please contact our law firm directly.