How to Work Toward a Peaceful, Civil Divorce

Here are seven tips from Emily Graham, founder of the support website Mighty Moms, for civilly working through a split.

Divorces aren’t anyone’s idea of fun. You’re likely reeling from the loss of the relationship and overwhelmed with how things have turned out. If the divorce wasn’t your idea, you may be feeling as if the rug has been pulled out from under you. Unfortunately (or fortunately), you can’t change what has happened. 

What you can – and ideally should – do is focus on attempting to separate as peacefully and civilly as possible (even if it’s hard to care right now). It’ll help you avoid regrets, strengthen your financial position, and allow you to emerge from the tumult intact.

Here are seven tips from Emily Graham, founder of the support website Mighty Moms, for civilly working through a split.

Don’t rush into anything  

No matter what has happened, try to remain calm. Getting angry and taking your spouse to court could cost you a fortune, not to mention be a monumental headache. Litigation can be seriously expensive, public, and messy, and it doesn’t usually resolve anytime soon. 

It may be a good idea to reflect on what has happened and what your intentions are. Is divorce the best way forward for you and your family? What would you like to get out of the separation? 

Don’t stray from your integrity. Despite everything, attempt to treat your spouse with respect. If you prioritize peace and harmony, you’ll find it easier to separate peacefully. 

Get clear about your options 

Divorce isn’t always a court proceeding with a judge involved, although it can be. You have other options; know them and make an informed decision: 

• Amicable separation: An amicable or uncontested divorce is where you and your spouse agree on the specifics of the separation, from childcare to the division of assets. It’s faster and litigation-free. 
• Legal separation: A legal separation is where you financially separate and live separately from your spouse without a divorce and then get a divorce later. It can be useful in certain situations, like when residency (of a particular state) is involved. 
• Mediation: Mediation is where you and your spouse meet a third-party, neutral mediator to discuss a cordial separation. (Divorce Mag explains the benefits of this approach.)
• Litigation: Litigation is the most painful, expensive option. You’ll need to pay court fees, appoint an attorney, serve papers, and appear in family court.

Prioritize a peaceful separation  

Needless to say, a peaceful separation would be an ideal option. You won’t be fighting over the kids (if applicable), and you can minimize your legal fees, get through the process quicker, and focus on rebuilding your future. Still, don’t allow your spouse to guilt or bully you into anything that’s against your best interests, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Sometimes litigation is, indeed, the best option, depending on your unique circumstances. An attorney can offer you the best options based on your scenario.

Take stock of your financial situation

You should gain a big-picture view of your finances as soon as possible. This isn’t just because you’re required to share financial information with your spouse and the government (you are), but also because you need to consider your future. How are you planning to support yourself now and later, once you’re single? A certified financial planner or accountant can help you gain a better understanding of your financial situation.

Here are some things to consider: 

• Your assets and debts
• Monthly expenses 
• Insurance  
• Potential child support or alimony payments
• Legal fees  
• Your present and future living arrangement

Get an experienced team in your corner

Even if you’re not going to court, an experienced divorce attorney can provide valuable advice and help you get the best “deal” possible. Some other professionals to consider are a mediator, a divorce coach, a custody professional, a financial analyst, and a therapist (for your mental health and processing your emotions during this difficult time). Smedley Law Group offers experienced divorce services in New Jersey. 

Stay organized and maintain records 

You may be tempted to toss away all reminders of your ex-spouse, but you should keep the important paperwork around—your marriage certificate, the separation paperwork, child support paperwork, alimony paperwork, financial statements, settlement agreements for your divorce, and so on. You may need it later (such as to enforce a missed payment). You can use an online PDF editor tool to conveniently create, store, and share digital records. (This easy tutorial may help.)    

Look after yourself 

Needless to say, you may experience an emotional rollercoaster during this time. You should prioritize your well-being—exercise, go out in nature, eat well, talk to the people you love, and overall be kind to yourself. Having a self-care schedule of activities can also give you some much-needed stability and a sense of normalcy. 

Focus on the future

A peaceful, civil resolution will give you some much-needed closure and help you start a brand-new life on the right note. Do your best to remain level-headed, and don’t be afraid to seek professional support. A good attorney can help you resolve disputes peacefully, and a good therapist can help you stay stable.  

About Emily Graham

Emily Graham is the creator of Mighty Moms. She believes being a mom is one of the hardest jobs around and wanted to create a support system for moms from all walks of life. On her site, she offers a wide range of information tailored for busy moms, from how to reduce stress to creative ways to spend time together as a family. Contact: emilygraham@mightymoms.net.

Contact the Experienced Family Law Attorneys at Smedley Law Group in Williamstown, NJ Today

If you’re facing a divorce, you’ll need experienced family law attorneys on your side. The New Jersey family law attorneys at Smedley Law Group represent clients throughout the state, including West Deptford, Woodbury Heights, Runnemede, and Westville. We understand how challenging this time can be for you, which is why we will fight hard to protect your interests, and the interests of your loved ones, throughout the legal process. Call us at (856) 251-0800 or fill out our confidential contact form to schedule a consultation. We have an office conveniently located at 750 Cooper Street, Woodbury, NJ 08096.

The articles on this blog are for informative purposes only and are no substitute for legal advice or an attorney-client relationship. If you are seeking legal advice, please contact our law firm directly.